Modern-day dilemma
Someone whose name I don't recognise at all is trying to invite me to join an instant messaging service. What's the etiquette for these things? I don't want to email them and say "sorry, but who are you?" in case it turns out to be someone I actually know quite well and who would be mortally offended that I didn't know them right away.
The alias bears no relation that I can make out to any kind of real world name (at least I hope not, for my would-be correspondent's sake). I am, however, reluctant to virtually connect myself to this person without knowing who it is. In truth I think it's a case of mistaken email identity (it wouldn't be the first time), but need to find a polite way of confirming my suspicions...
Of course, in posting this I could have solved my own problem. If you're reading this, unknown would-be IM buddy, then unmask yourself!
tag: internet etiquette
posted by Pashmina @ 11:43 AM
30 comments
30 Comments:
Having been in this situation myself and clicked the accept button, only to regret it later, I think it's perfectly acceptable to email them and ask who they are.
sh*t - is it me?
i have a ridiculous moniker on yahoo messenger
(don't worry - i don't think it is...i have only ONE measly 'friend' on yahoo)
Jo, I know you're right but for some reason I still shy away from the direct approach...
... in which case, UC, does your ridiculous moniker begin with an "R" (or, as I've just noticed another invitation from someone else I've never heard of, a "Z")?
ignore it. If they know you in real life, they'll email in a while to ask why you are ignoring them. If your handle is identifiably female, the chances are they are trying to spam/harass you.
Depensing on my mood I either:
a) refuse it & figure if they know me they'll e-mail & ask why
or
b) accept it & block the person so I can see when they're online, then unblock & message them to see who they are.
Obviously, I tend to do the first.
I think the e-mailing them is dodgy in case they don't know you & are spaming to see if it's a valid address.
I always refuse if I don't know the person. Bad experience once. As others have said, most people will find another way to ask you to add them to your friend list.
Hmmm. Wise words everyone, thanks. I have indeed ignored the request, particularly as the email in question is quite identifiably female and I now have fears of cyberstalking. Or spamming, anyway. Not that I'm paranoid.
a/s/l?
that is sooooooo last century.
Ahh tree spotter you took the words right out of my mouth. Only 2 days after I started blogging I accepted an unknown name to my contacts, only to be treated to a conversation that went along the lines of:
-Hello
-Hello like your blog, very good.
-Who is this?
-No one you know.
-Why did you IM me?
-a/s/l
Urrgh! It turned out it was some creepy guy from India. Needless to say I didn't answer and immediately deleted him from my contacts. I kept my email up and haven't had a problem since but I would never accept an unknown contact in future.
*runs away to look up a/s/l*
I just had to look up a/s/l too.
Age/sex/location, apparently.
I'm not really 'with it'.
Ah good, thanks Spinny, that saved me my next question. I think it's safe to say I am very soundly 'without it' myself.
And after Heather's scary story I am going to give all unknown would-be IM contacts the very widest possible of berths.
Not sure if this is the correct netiquette but I just accept anybody and then block and delete them if I don't like them. Then it just looks to them as if you're never online.
God, I always feel really nervous posting a comment on your blog.
There's really no need to be nervous. I'm quite friendly on the whole (and as prone to spelling mistakes and grammatical errors as anyone - as has frequently been noted..)
Blocking people, of course. That explains why none of my "friends" are ever on line.
No-one's ever invited me to join anything online. Should I feel upset?
And Jaaack!! Lovely to see your name there. Long time and all that.(This is not a flagrant attempt to generate some online friends but a genuine expression of delight.)
A comment emphatically seconded - good to 'see' you Jack (and you too Cello).
Pash--have you ever wandered around McSweeneys.net? I think you'd like it, although the site is slighting difficult to navigate.
Try here: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/
BTW: this comment is in no way relevent to this particular post.
slighting? yes, slighting...so what?
Ahh McSweeney's ... I don't spend enough time there, thanks for the reminder Lori.
PS I am slightly unnerved by your new picture.
Hmm...I think it's cute. It's one of the polar bears from the zoo in Central Park. Just try to look at the fuzzy cuteness and not the raw killing power.
(Which also works if you are slightly unnerved by me.)
Hey Cello and Pash, good to 'see' you too, hope you're both well. I'm not sure where (if anywhere) the old C4 folk hang around nowadays so I tend to lurk around a couple of blogs, posting when my self-censorship chip fails. Funny that the thing that was most requested at C4 turned out to be the final nail, eh?
Jack! You're alive! Huzzah!
(Even if I am a little later than everyone else...)
See, Jack, we missed you.
Awww, you guys. You've brought a tear to a middle-aged man's eye...so anyway, did you accept your mystery messenger?
Oh god no, I took the wise advice offered by more experienced hands than mine and just said "no" to both of them. To be honest it's quite a relief.
Sorry to butt in on your conversation. I think I may have a solution for you.
Accept the invitation to join the unknown person's contact list. If it turns out to be a filthy creep you can just block him.
Then publish their email address on your blog. Everyone here can bombard the greasy little swine with their own SPAM and tell him how he should be drowned in dog cough for wasting your precious time.
In answer to your problem, I would not respond at all and just delete them from my system.
Funnily enough, Allison, that's pretty much what I've done (not that I wasn't tempted by your solution too, Lambent). However I've since discovered that at least one of them was an apparently genuine case of mistaken identity. Which was a bit of a relief, to tell the truth.
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