Why I hate HR people
INT. OFFICE. DAY.
PASHMINA is on the phone to POTENTIAL EMPLOYER. This is a first conversation, and an exploratory one.
PASHMINA: So, can I just ask - because it doesn't say in the ad - what's the salary for this post?
POTENTIAL EMPLOYER: Oh. Err. Can you hang on a minute?
There are sounds on the other end of the line. The handset is put down. Footsteps. A door is shut. A few seconds later, POTENTIAL EMPLOYER returns to the phone.
PE: Yes... well... Um...
Pause.
PE: I think we'd better say, to be on the safe side [really quite satisfactory figure], plus.
PASHMINA: Oh-kayy. Thanks. Now, the other thing I wanted to ask was...
FADE. And cut to:
INT. OFFICE. DAY.
The next day, 9.30am exactly. PASHMINA'S phone rings.
PASHMINA: Hello?
PE: Ah, hello. Can I speak to [Pashmina] please?
PASHMINA: Speaking.
PE: Hello. It's [Potential Employer] here. I wanted to ring you straight away because I've spoken to our HR department. And... err... I think I may have got the wires crossed. When we spoke yesterday. About the salary.
PASHMINA: Ah.
PE: Yes. Um. Actually HR have said that the starting salary will be [considerably less satisfactory figure]. But there is a management bonus.
PASHMINA (guardedly): Oh yes?
PE: Yes, [small] per cent.
PASHMINA does some mental calculations. These do not take long. [Small] per cent is quite a lot less than her current bonus.
PASHMINA: Ah. Well. Yes. That certainly gives me food for thought.
Leaving aside the fact I used the phrase "food for thought" in conversation with a potential employer, I have of course leapt to my own conclusions as to the reason for these "crossed wires". Turns out I'm quite the conspiracy theorist.
Oh I'm so glad I came back from holiday for this.
posted by Pashmina @ 6:18 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
You are probably right. How depressing.
Poor companies to work for have poor HR people. Better companies will have better HR people. In my experience it is a leading indicator of what the company is like, you probably saved yourself a lot of grief.
Can someone whisper the possible reason for 'crossed wires' to me? I've been self-employed too long and can't keep up with this stuff. But I want to know now....
Also, welcome back Pash.
I suspect I am, Bella, but then I would do, wouldn't I?
And I also suspect you're right, Alan, though circumstances may press me into taking the sodding job anyway.
James, the "crossed wires" are to do with the fact that the HR department of Potential Employing Corporation knows what I currently earn. Potential Employer herself, when we were talking, did not (I presume). She would, however, have known the salary of the person currently doing the job. So my conspiracy theory is that she quoted me a figure roughly equivalent to what that person is earning, then was told by her HR department that I could be got for *much* less than that. Oh yes, I'm a cheap date, me.
Bastards. I spent a whole 19 hours thinking I might, possibly, just about be able to afford my new mortgage.
Oh I seeeeeeeee.
Blimey, having a proper job is very fiddly - I'm clearly best off out of it.
Undoubtedly. But on the up side, those Adam Hart-Davis ads about tax returns go straight to the part of my brain labelled "irrelevant - do not retain" (an inefficient sector, clearly, but a useful one)
Mine too, which is a bit worrying...
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